Thursday, June 09, 2005

Multi-tasking behind the wheel

Hubby once warned me that I really shouldn't be on the cell while driving, an advice I have completely ignored. Dumb, very dumb.
I don't think cops like me. I mean, cops as straight men are crazy about me, but not cops as poor men whose only satisfaction in life is by showing off their lack of a penis by busting rich already-taken women for insignificant nonsense. I constantly get pulled of for stupid reasons.
Today a cop pulled me over. Normally in this situation the cop plays tough at first, I say I don't mind him "pulling me... over", we flirt some and then he lets me off with a warning. So I was preparing by putting on lipgloss so I could pout my way out of getting a ticket for speeding. Well, apparently this one was in no mood to flirt.
"It's illegal to be on the phone while driving", the stern copper said.
After all my flirting attempts had failed I just sighed and asked him for the ticket.
"Ha, ticket? Young lady, you have a date with the court"!
I began protesting loudly. No way I couldn't talk or flirt my way out of this!
"If you curse again I will arrest you right now for assaulting an officer", he threathened.
"I object! You can't do that!" I gasped while wondering if he could.
"Or for indecent exposure", he said and pointed to my mini-mini and wifebeater.
"Oh come on, I'm European, we don't wear bras! Don't act like you mind seeing some nipple!"
He picked up the hand cuffs and his walkie to call for back-up.
I was still in shock and realized I really was about to get in some serious trouble. Neither of my two main manipulative moves; cheeky flirting and "but I'm European", had worked. I realized I only had one more scheme to try.
I cried.
I hate crying to get my way, partly because I have some dignity, but also a simpler reason: my make-up is not water-resistant.
But I had no other way out. And luckily, it worked. I don't even want to know what would happen if Hubby would've had to bail me out from jail again.


Anonymous said...

I just radolmy found this online, I want to be a trophy wife too. I regularly cry when everything else fails, it works pretty well for me too.

Frances said...

Nice blog you have here.
I found you on nycbloggers.

Anonymous said...

endless number of these wonderful finds, what with the Internet being a vast network of constantly evolving ideas and all!