Wednesday, April 18, 2007

Mile high club

Ok fine, I admit, I am a member of the much-hyped club. But it's not as crazy as it sounds, I just happened to date a pilot when I was 20 and we were alone up there with the auto-pilot on. Moving on.

I've never been scared of flying. I normally sleep during take-off, the soothing noice of a jet engine rocks me right to sleep in my comfy first class seat. Dad used to joke and say I was raised in first class, which isn't too far off, since my parents were jet-setters and I travelled at least once every other week. When I went to school in Switzerland, I knew the staff at the airport lounge by first name. I knew the wine lists offered in many airlines' first class. But the last few years I've made New York my home and after dad died, I have no reason to travel on a weekly basis. I pity the people to fly coach though, it's worse than riding a filthy bus. First class is sophisticated, no sloppy clothing, no screaming children and fine wines - as all of life should be.

However, I hate not having my own first class service on ground. When I left Luxemburg last week after having visited a friend, I was treated like an ordinary worthless citizen. It is humiliating to have to remove items of clothing such as belt, jacket, even boots in front of 'the vermin'. I walked through the arch, a sweaty woman (with a vibe very German shot-put) told me to stretch my arms out and she then padded me down. Not kindly, but brutally, as if to punish me. (I now know what Jesus must've felt before bearing the cross.) She felt me up like I was her bitch, and I could not believe it when she put her filthy fingers inside the linen of my very low pants. I had no panties on, as it's more comfortably flying without, and she touched my sacred parts!!

In panic, I yelled 'security' only to realize I was already surrounded by them. A manager of some sort tried to calm me down and assure me the pervert had done nothing wrong, as it was supposedly all part of the process and 'for my own safety'. As if being violated makes me feel secure! I immideately went to file a complaint. I won't fly again until they can assure me no filthy Jerry Springer groupie can legally put her hands down my vagina ever again!